Holding Your Breath

You know the feeling of holding your breath...everything slows down, and your heartbeat becomes louder, nerves rush over you and all in that brief moment. we hold our breath when we are scared, about to jump into a body of water, or I guess trying to get rid of hiccups...but nevertheless, that feeling is intense and distinct.

Deciding to move back was easy. It was as if you were allowed the release of a huge breath and it felt natural.

I guess sometimes its good to build up nerves and/or energy; we all somewhat crave the rush and it can help to motivate us for the next step. Come what may. But nevertheless, we need to remember to breathe. Yoga teaches to take deep, fulfilling breaths, in and out through out nose- as to slowly fill up our chest and stomach...and expelling out slowly, with power- making sure to rid yourself of any stale breath that may be left behind.

Life is like that too. We sometimes do things too quickly- as in take short breaths, which may satisfy the instant, but only that. In the long run- with short breaths we find ourselves winded. Thoughtful, strong and steady, filling breaths (decisions) are complimented with satisfied and abundant results.

Just a thought, and a breath.

"Life happens when you're busy making plans." -John Lennon

"Life happens when you're busy making plans..."

story of my life

Let's begin in October of 2014. It was my 30th birthday month, 3 decades strong and 3 decades into this crazy life journey.  I spent the month in El Salvador.  Everything was - for me- magical. The coastline here looks exactly like the pictures you see of Never Never Land. The people are so humble its refreshing- and sexy. The food is GMO free, ladies night is 3 days a week, you can easily eat for a dollar night... and the stars are ridiculous and glittery. I met a magical man and have some amazing friends here.  I feel as comfortable on the corner here in playa El Tunco as I do in my mother's kitchen.  To put it simply- my soul fell in love with this place...here, my skin is smiling.

Ok, so thus began my plan to move to Neverland permanently.  I went back after October to Colorado to continue working....plan being to work my ass off, crash with friends, and be back here in a few months.  Colorado was beyond beautiful- I literally lived in a snow globe. Crashing on a couch on the side of a mountain....with a bridge crossing the frozen creek, and the nicest neighbors ever. But the temp-work scene wasn't working out as easily as I imagined. What I learned from Colorado: Pay it forward. The people are so grateful for the earth they are standing and living on, so kind to others and to those less fortunate...of all the states I have traveled through- this was by far the most beautiful and the people- the most kind.  I decided in the beginning of December, after speaking with a good friend- to come back to Orlando and try out temp work there- besides it's been my home forever and my parents are there.

Onward to Orlando Florida, again. The dust bowl that has sucked me in more than once (the only positives being my parents, my animal rights friends, & Thornton Park:)). My best friend Brandon graciously allowed Boston and I to crash @ his place. It was nice to see family, friends, and the scene again but the temp job I had helping start up a restaurant with a friend wasn't quite panning out. So again I felt as if this part of the plan wasn't working out. On came a conversation with an amazing friend/sister/old house mate who lives in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. And then the offering of her couch and a shoe-in for a serving job. (Note: Serving food at restaurants is something I have done for almost 13 years...I am good at it, really good at it. But there is an internal issue for me with the fact of serving animals who had to die for people's taste buds that has led me to leave the service industry. So please know, in reading this, that this was extremely difficult for me to do- but I did find the tiny silver lining and was there for anyone who had questions, did bring in amazing vegan food for others to try, and had many conversations not only with co-workers but with even guests about the positive effects veganism has had in my life- not only for my diet & health, but my happy spirit.)

So the gypsy and her little dog moved to South Florida. The beach scene was not as snobby as I imagined being right near Miami.  The people were mostly leathered, weathered, beach-bum like people who not only had no care in the world (meaning drinking started at 9am:)), but wouldn't even dream of judging you.  My kind of people. So here we lived, slept on a nugget size couch, and actually was able to put away some money. That was the goal= yay plan is back on track.

Next stop on the plan to move to Never Never Land was another visit- a short trip back to El Tunco to get everything set as to where we will live, etc..  So I booked a ticket for the first 2 weeks in March. Boston stayed in Ft. Lauderdale and I went on the El Salvador . From the moment I was picked up at the airport I didn't stop smiling, even when I slept. Got to see brilliant friends who were visiting from Canada and  made arrangements for Boston and I to stay when we were to return (after only a week back in the states).

Saw shooting stars, spent the days a swimming like a mermaid and the nights like a fairy.
Saw the single most beautiful sunset I have to this day seen on a cliff side with some medicinal magic.
Saw myself being happy for the rest of my days here.

I came back to Ft. Lauderdale to work for a few days, grab Boston and my bags, and to say 'goodbye.' We arrived back in Never Never Land 3 days ago. :)

Back to the John Lennon quote. "Life happens when you're busy making plans." I live by that, at least I must have before but on this new 'move' I seemed to eat my own (quoted) words. It's a quote I tell others all the time. So, the plan changed a lot, but worked out. The plan to move into a place here seemed to be set and I was stoked- having done my due diligence and planned ahead. Once we arrived everything hit the fan. The place was not available- long story, and its the beginning of Semana Santa. The holy holiday week- where both the government and schools are all off (once a year this takes place). So every place is up-priced, almost 3 fold. Spent the first 24 hours worrying about securing a place for at least a month.  At this point in my life my main priority is to unpack my dam bag for once and sit still.

-Breathe. Thankfully I have been coming here for a few years and a friend came through with a beautiful room we rented for the month. In the meantime, we are building a magical house on property overlooking the ocean a few beaches down in El Zonte...with a garden as big as the house and flowers everywhere.

Life is crazy, it is like waves crashing on the shore, or like a river- that is always flowing and constantly changing.  My life is finally happy. I live in Never Never Land. Where the mermaids bask in the glittery waves in the sea, the fairies guide your path at night...the stars are countless, the people are always happy, where nature and living are one.  Right now the magical man is siting at my side, Boston is happily chasing the baby chickens, cilantro rice is on the stove, mangos are covering the ground, and everyone is smiling. I could not in a million years ask for any more, and plan for this. Life does happen when you're busy making plans. That one is for sure.

Things learned..

So I spent my 30th Birthday month (October 2014) in El Salvador... here are a few things learned:

-do breathing exercises
-read
-read more
-no one can take away from you the tango you dance
-don't curse the darkness light the candle
-a 'motel' in central America is not the same as in the US
-pupusas never get old
-earthquakes never get old
-sunsets are never the same
-never forget to look up- and be grateful for shooting stars
-always start your day with cafe
-days here are in 3x as long and amazing
-ac is a joke, all you need is a fan and a cat sleeping at the foot of your bed
-dragonflies are good luck
-take naps when you find yourself yawning, wrap up in a hammock and always go to sleep smiling

-let yourself and your heart smile

-never stop smiling

 -shoes are overrated

-water is not

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Books I have read here:
Dan Millman- Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior
Dave Eggers- How we are Hungry
Paulo Coelho- The Pilgrimage

-Dan Millman Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior quotes to remember:

"Every human capacity, is amplified by energy. the mind becomes brighter, healing accelerates, strength magnifies, imagination intensifies, emotional power and charisma expand. So energy can be a blessing"

"It is ALL RIGHT to hurt, to love, to be happy, in spite of the difficulties of this world"

"Among friends, there are no goodbyes"

"We can not always do great things in life, but we can do small things with great love"

"Live until you die"

"There is no way to peace; peace is the way. There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way. There is no way to love; love is the way."

"Gifts are great; meditations and religious exercises  pacify the mind; comprehension of the great truth leads to nirvana; but greater than all is loving kindness" Buddha

First 3 days in Never Never Land

Its Tuesday morning, probably @8am.  My head is pounding a bit from the cervezas and welcome yesterday.

Flew into San Salvador @12noon and had friends pick me up.  One thing about arriving in this country is you are always greeted with a Pilsner. Stopped at a bar on the side of the mountain over the sea and had some more cercezas and plates of tomatoes and cucumbers with sea salt- while watching sea birds dance in the sky.

Drove to playa Zunsal.  They had a room waiting- a  little hut with a wooden door and open shower (PVC piping). The walls are
painted the color of the waves and the curtain rod if a piece of bamboo.  Watched the sunset waiting for pupusas to grill and remembered why this place is indeed Never Never Land.  The sunset, like every single one here, is orange and pink, even a panoramic 360 shot would do no justice as being and seeing.  Pterodactyls circled above as both the sun and the moon did their magic on the landscape.  You look right and see the watercolor sunset- and left and see the moon glimmering on the black sand, rocks and mountains.

Ate 2 pupusas the size of tortillas and came back to the hostel bar setup for even more cervezas and good company. Everywhere you walk here at night is lit up by twinkles of fireflies- or fairies (*campenitas). They glow and shine and seem to take you wherever you are going, as an entourage of magic dust. Its remarkable.

Slept to the rain and woke up to songbirds and roosters.

Dia 2

Went outside to the veg/fruit truck and stocked up before catching a ride to La Libertad. Ran some errands (being that I seemed to have brought only sundresses and a bathing suit, seriously had forgotten all my toiletries) and caught a ride in the back on a pick up to Sunzal.  Had a refreshing cold shower and just was given a huge plate of sandia.  Its sad that I can't remember the last time I had watermelon with black seeds...  Watched the surf for hours until it was dark, walked back to the room and saw a white horse grazing like a unicorn in my magic path. Went to playa El Tunco for Open-Mike night in the back of Crazy Dan's truck and arrived just before the rain downpour.  Got to catch up with friends...went back (survived the ride back) and slept very well.

Dia 3

Woke up and got on a moped for the morning; went to La Libertad and got different sandals...here in Never Never Land you have to learn to walk on round smooth rocks all the time and trust me you need special sandals. Rode back to Zonte and came to the Spanish S-Cool/tour office for amazing hand-roasted cafe and wifi.  Relaxing and listening to jazz..ordered pupusas for lunch, and scored 24 bananas for $1. 

Watched the surf from my friend's little room up on bamboo and had boxed wine swinging in a hammock as she took pictures of all the boarders in high tide...Jumped back on the scooter and went up the mountain for a ride. Once it began raining we turned around and came back- after stopping in Surf Permanente for a grande cerveza.  Just got back to the room and an catching up on this journal so that it coincides perfectly with the pics.

Another month, another place

Sunday October 5th, on a flight from Houston to Orlando to visit family for the day then to Ft. Lauderdale before Central America. Nervous about the next month in El Salvador.  But the nervous-happy-giddy kind you get when you are about to go on a fancy vacation or have a crush on someone in high school and know you will see that person every day.

I have absolutely no idea where I will be sleeping, except under the stars with millions of fireflies around me...the stars, oh the stars are incredible.  Its as if you had a hand full of glitter and threw it up at the ceiling of your bedroom and they all just stuck right there.  Close enough to touch and move.  You can see the swill nebulas and stars are shooting through the sky constantly.  The surf is your soundtrack and it shimmers in the moonlight-which by the way is your flashlight through Never Never Land.

I want to never wear shoes and eat mangoes and sandia every day.

Be free, creative, alive.

Roadtrip to Aspen/Glenwood Springs, CO pt.1

October 5, 2014

-plane just took off from Denver, I am too tired to press these keys..

*note-need neck pillow by next flight

-I brought my tablet in hopes to finally write of our recent Aspen/Glenwood springs road road trip.  Tricky thing about that is that no words can describe the adventures we had and no pictures can paint the majesty of the nature we saw.  

Being that it was such an epic trip I'll separate it into days...

Day 1 (part 1)

Woke up on a brisk and sunny Wednesday morning and made some hot tea.  Rode up to El Dora ski resort to work on my application process, and came back down to the cabin to pack.  Packed up and headed to town to meet up with another friend; 3 people, 1 little lion (Boston), and a rental Toyota Sequoia.

Grabbed some road trip food and flowers and headed to Aspen.  The ride through Independence Pass was spectacular.  I took so many pictures just looking out the window.

The thing with the mountains of Colorado is that your jaw drops, you slow the car, roll down the window or even stop the car and get out to take pictures, then make a turn and have to do the same thing again.  Around each turn is another surprise the mountain has in store for you.  We probably went through 9 national forests the way to our destination...stopped in Twin Lakes, saw deer, rabbits, had eyes geared and ready for a moose sighting, and stopped to take pictures more times than I can remember.

Definitely took a pit stop at the Continental Divide, which looked like the Arctic.  Frozen lake and almost 12,000 feet up.  Boston had his first snow experience- I plopped him in some fresh fluffy snow and he froze, literally. Super cute though.

Made it to Aspen it was snow/raining and grabbed a drink before hitting the road some more.  Arrived in Glenwood Springs @8pm and checked into the Hotel Colorado.

note: when they say historic hotel, built well over a hundred years ago, that usually means no AC.  

The hotel was beautiful, huge wood burning fireplaces, pet friendly, and-lots of elderly people in cowboy hats.  Went out for dinner and drinks and called it a night.

Roadtrip to Aspen/Glenwood Springs, CO pt.2

Day 2 (pt.2)

Woke up pretty hot for not knowing to open the windows in an historic hotel.  Its October 2nd, a day I had pledged to fast for farm animals (#fastagainstslaughter) and I had my share of whiskey gingers the night before- so needless to say I was in a sour mood.  Walked the nugget a bit around Glenwood, which are famous for their hot springs.  

There is one the size of a football field that is divided into 2 pools, I believe one is in the 90 degree range and the smaller on is pushing 110degrees.  You can actually see the sulfur hot spring bubbling up next to the YMCA-like facility.  This place also answers for the odd amount of elderly people. 

But hey I dig any type of hot tub.  We didn't go to the famous pool like spring but decided to drive and find some through the canyons.  

After the boys stopped for breakfast, our next stop (besides obvious scenic picture stops) was along the side of the road/mountain/rushing creek near I believe Red Rock.

You walk to the edge of the road and look straight down, and there is a pour out of hot- sulfur water into the ice cold waterway-where there is this mountain man who is known around these parts as the 'hot springs builder.' He had sectioned rocks into different pools right where the hot met the cold water and created different thermal pools.  He was this amazing  wild man, who loved to tell stories, had a blind dog friend named 'Yoda,' and who was simply 'paying it forward.' 

Next stop was Marbel Colorado.  There is literally Marble everywhere, you can just grab a chunk from the side of the road they are practically giving it away. Quaint little row of houses, gift shop, old museum shop and a few marble carved statue places.  Some lady told our driver that there was a few cool off road type trails that lead you to an old city in the mountains called Crystal- and next thing I
know we are on that particular road.

This part of the trip, bare with me, is difficult to put into words. So we are 4 passengers deep in a quite large Sequoia-rental, on a very thin road hitting trees and shrub on both sides, bouncing a bit in the car- and end up at this eerie almost spooky lake- called Lizard Lake, so the painted wood sign said stuck in the erupting ground by a lake covered with a layer of mist.  Drove around that and came to a cross roads.  

It was either one way or the other- both 4x4 trails, and we bravely decided to go straight.  You know when you go on a roller coaster, or Splash Mountain for that matter and right before the bill fall you are inverted and can not see at all the drop that is about to become you that you stretch your hear as tall as your neck will allow.  That happened on the drop down in the Sequoia.  We bounced like a F-350 in Hollapaw the entire way, which in going about 6mph took us a ways.  

Dodging trees, hitting branches, not seeing the gigantic puddles or knowing their depts.  Scariest part of the ride was this turn where the 4-wheeler wide road hugged the mountain and to the right side of the LARGE SUV was simply a ledge down the side of the ravine. So much of a moment that I grabbed Boston and my bag and dove to the left side of the backseat- as to help with weight as I felt without a doubt these were the moments before we pummeled down (next to what was left from a semi at least 50 years ago-rust shining at us from the bottom of the ravine.)  The car was silent, everything seemed to move in slow motion, & I felt oddly at peace.  The satellite radio cut back on to an old Hawaiian melody of 'mahalo'.  We made it out ok.  I think all 3 of us, possibly even Boston had to sit still and hold down the vomit (agh sorry but this happened) right after that scare.

Jumped and flew our way to this old Mill that was just what the doctor ordered after again- that ordeal.  

Drove past the Mill to what has to be one of the old wives tales of CO.  No town, a sign on an old building that has hours that never exist pasted from years ago on the door, and no pass through but a prompt reminder that we indeed have to turn around and go back to civilization the exact way we came.

Back was easier than the trek there. 

Made one last stop before homeward bound at Maroon Bells lake just outside of Aspen. Cold and beauty beyond words.  Like I said in the beginning, trying to put this into words doesn't even scratch the surface of the raw natural beauty we experienced.... National Geographic was at the same lake we were shooting, they actually posted their pic that afternoon on Instagram (#maroonbells @NATGEO).

Took Independence Pass over 70 home and passed the same spot @the Continental Divide in the dark cold snow and made it back to Boulder before midnight. 

Several things I will remember from this trip:

Have enough space for pictures, don't fast on a whiskey hangover, and remember to always pay it forward. 

I am beginning to fall in love with this place.