Wednesday. Last night I had a continuous dream of being lost, and not able to find my way back (to this house)..I kept asking for directions from those passing by on the streets, and they gave me direction but it was always wrong, not with ill intent but their directions were always off by several streets. I remember in the midst of walking these neighborhoods, walking up to what seemed to be a arty in the front yard of a house, behind the white picket fence...it turned out to be couples getting married, left and right, excited and giggling. I continued to find my way back. I then found myself in a fancy office park, and went into one of the tall shiny buildings to ask a group of corporate looking, "smart" looking people for directions back to the place I was supposed to be. they gave me directions as well-but they were wrong and I got my even more off track than I was before, and even further out from the location lost than when I had asked for help from one of the people who I had encountered passing by in the streets. I don't know how I eventually made it back but I remember being frustrated beyond tears and anger. I had told people I would be back and all the while I was trying as hard as I could, and being nothing shy of frustrated to tears, I was still disappointing them by not being there like I had said I would. When back I walked up to this house, and found myself saying 'goodbyes' to a couple. The girl was shallow and was speaking about her material things, the guy gave me an awkward hug and said to not let 'things like that occur again.' Then I turned uncomfortably away and awoke from my dream.
As I am midway through this week of detox, again for both my body and mind, I find this dream scary and abrupt. I could not figure out the route back, and no matter who I asked, even though they had answers and told me directions, they did not seem to help either. Some points in my life I feel like i just want to get a set of dice and write options on either side, and then roll the dice and see what happens. It must be simple for those that have a planned out future, those who get direction and it works/makes sense/gets them to where they should be. I believe life is more challenging for those who wander. Agreed- 'not all those who wander are lost,' but that does not mean at times they are not frustrated for proper direction.
So continues my personal search and life journey, towards happiness, fulfillment, and success- whatever that means. Maybe I'll roll the dice and let fate decide.
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